How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
