You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
