i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
now i know why i became what i already was.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
