do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
