Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
