Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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