Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
