There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
