peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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