Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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