I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
