even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
