I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
no you cant smoke seaweed
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
