remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
