all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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