Where did you get a picture of my penis
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
