Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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