i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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