I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So. Much. Porn.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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