Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
