3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
