But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
