quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
