You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
