I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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