Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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