can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
