just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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