so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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