you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dicks are not precious.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
