Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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