She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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