I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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