my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
