FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
