you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
