can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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