At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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