i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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