Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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