In the future we'll all be gay
Pappa wants mamma naked
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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