If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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