my phone needs a breathalizer
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
