Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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