I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
