i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
