i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
