I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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