I am puke
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
