Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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