I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
