a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
