His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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