his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
