i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
