my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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