Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
